***Warning: This post contains really sensitive topics and while I am trying to be as respectful and thoughtful of everyone involved I am also really bad at that so please know that everything is said with love and that I am being vague to respect everyone involved. ***

There are things in life, some happy and some heartbreaking that you just can’t plan for. We’ve had our share of these things since getting married. Since we’ve moved, however, when something unexpected happens it seems to put things in perspective and really makes me question our decision to move. There is something about being together with family that I feel reminds you of what is important. Additionally, there is something so very comforting about being with your family, something that I’ve learned can sometimes only be from your family. On the flip side I feel like we are sheltered by the distance. It’s easy to brush off things or put them in the back of our mind when we are not facing them daily. It’s easier to treat bad news just as that bad news and to move on as if it didn’t effect you directly.

When D and I were first married we lost my dad’s mom. That was really hard because at the time we were living in Phoenix and she was in Illinois. This was the first time we really dealt with anything that big as a couple and as expected D was great at being there for me. He got to meet her a couple years earlier and I was so grateful for the time we all had together. It was and still is hard to believe she is really gone especially since we didn’t see her as often. I think that makes it hard to really have it sink in.

(I am just going to say now that I cannot speak for D and I simply am stating what I observe and think)

Earlier this year (it was actually late 2015) we lost D’s dad’s mom. That was extremely tough especially having BB and knowing just how much she loved her. While it doesn’t help it hurt any less we sort of knew the day was coming sooner than later and we were able to spend time with her just a short while before. The hardest part was being here in Juneau and not being able to make it back for the service or to say goodbye. I don’t think that for that reason we’ve truly processed or come to terms with it. It’s so hard to not be with family in times of loss.

A couple months ago my dad had to go in for simple, yet unexpected surgery and while I knew or was fairly confident that everything would workout it was scary to think that it had been a whole 5-6 months since I had seen him and hugged him last. Additionally with the addition of BB to our family everything has a much deeper meaning. I couldn’t imagine BB growing up without her grandpa. Also I think of how much he loves her and how terrible I felt for being the reason they can’t spend endless amounts of time together.

Just recently we lost D’s Nana. This was a total surprise and caught everyone off guard. This time I wanted nothing more to be able to be with his family or at least have him with them. I knew that this last blow, especially so unexpected, was the one that might force everything to sink in. We were so grateful for the time we got to spend with her just a month before and we are forever grateful that we had the opportunity to go back for the service. It still feels surreal but I am glad that we got to spend time with family healing and supporting them and them supporting us through this. Also, it’s nice to have a little sunshine brought by our cute BB to share with everyone.

While we could have never expected any of these things to happen, and while we wish every time they do that we were closer to family, we can’t make every decision based on the worse case scenario. I am forever grateful for the memories we have with all the great ladies we’ve lost. I am equally grateful for the great men and women they have helped raise and their impact in our life through them. I know they are looking down on us and able to watch all the crazy shenanigans that BB does everyday! …We are still trying to find that happy medium!