I have been struggling a lot with keeping up on the daily chores. Things like laundry, dishes, tidying up… I laugh at the thought of dusting and those kind of tasks! I can’t wait for BB to be more interested in cleaning! Although, she really is very helpful and does really like to clean and organize… maybe I just need to use her skills more!

I was talking to a friend of mine about this and she made a very simple statement that really stuck with me. My friend told me, “Being a good wife/mom is not the same as being a maid”. 

While I know that being a good mom often means that these tasks get neglected and that it is good that I am putting BB before chores is good, it is still hard because there are only so many hours in each day. D is amazing and helps out so much, he also is so patient and understanding. I love that even now, he still encourages me to take a nap while BB is napping, even though he knows how much the house could use a good scrub. Also, he is great when he has to continually ask if the laundry basket is clean or dirty clothes because it’s been two weeks and I’ve only managed to wash the clothes, not fold or put them away. He also makes sure at the end of the day him and BB take time together which usually allows me to put dinner away and start the dishes.

This is where the struggle starts…

I want to be able to maintain a clean, organized house, and raise a happy, confident, sweet, well adjusted baby. I want D to be able to come home and have a warm dinner waiting for him and for the house to be in a little bit of order. I understand we have a 1 year old, there will be toys around, but there shouldn’t be last nights dinner dishes still in the sink or on the stove. Needless to say I will never take advantage of a dishwasher again in my life! Additionally, D works so hard for us out of the home and when he comes home I want him to be able to relax clutter free. To have a space to set his glass and to be able to stretch out on the couch. I also want for him to be able to find the clothes he needs to wear to work easily in the morning as opposed to digging through the laundry basket for a super wrinkled shirt.

Additionally, I want to spend time with my family. I want to play with BB or have her help me make dinner (which always results in a bigger mess). I want to teach her and be an example to her. I also want her to know that she is more important to me than the dishes, but to also understand that the world doesn’t stop for her and sometimes adults have to do not so fun things.

Since my friend said that, I’ve been thinking a lot about it. Before, I put a lot of my worth as a wife and mom in my ability to maintain a clean and organized home. Which, given the two weeks of laundry that I finally folded and the dishes from last weekend that just got cleaned, I was failing my family. But really I wasn’t failing as a wife or mom I was failing at being a maid. Which if you ask my parents being clean and tidy was never my strong suit. While yes, part of being a wife and mother is taking care of those things that is not where my worth lies. My worth lies in my ability to provide a loving environment, and support for my family. To stand by D and BB no matter what. To love them unconditionally even through their faults. That is what makes me a good wife/mom. To show them my love, to find new ways to love them and to make them feel special and important to me.

With that being said I think I am doing pretty good. I choose to cuddle with D on the couch and spend time with him even though I know the dishes are sitting across the room staring at me. I choose to read BB 3 more books even though I know that there is a pile of laundry waiting to be folded. I chose to spend my time making the kitchen a bigger mess because I value my families health and I want to make them a nutritious and tasty meal. I sit down and eat dinner with my family every night and usually spend the extra 30 minutes before bed time playing with D and BB instead of doing the dishes because I value spending time as a whole family. I choose to spend my time with my family and then bust my booty in the morning or during nap time (if we are home) to get the rest done. Thankfully D understands and is patient with me.

I hope that the balance I have found is in some way an example to BB. I hope that she learns that family time is so very important, but also, that doing the things that need to get done is equally important.