Can I just start by saying my heart is so full. This is a long winded (my specialty) post about why that is today. This is for my memory so read if you choose.

Taking time for myself is not something I do very well. D is incredible and so generous always offing me time to go and do nothing or something I’ve wanted to do. He doesn’t care what I do, he just knows there is value in me getting out of the house and having time to myself. Unfortunately, I usually fight this offer and feel like I am giving up time with him, BB, or as a family by taking time for myself. I always think if only there was a way to not sleep so that I could take time for myself and not have to give anything up… if only.

I am going to share that the last couple nights I have been less than awesome to my dear husband. I haven’t had the best attitude and got caught up in my feelings and didn’t see the situation as a whole, something I do too often. That being said when I was given an offer to go to a yoga class with a friend I was really uneasy about it. I felt like I didn’t deserve to go and do something for myself and that my time could have been better spent serving my husband. I told D about it and he encouraged me to go. I half committed to my friend and told her I would let her know in the morning. D kept encouraging I go. This is different from what I usually do on my free time because I am usually alone.

Morning came, I hesitantly committed to going and started to get ready. I was nervous about BB waking up while I was gone because lately she has been preferring me over D to help her in the morning. More specifically she says, “No daddy!” when he tries to help. 5 minutes before I was to leave she woke up we changed her diaper and I threw her in bed with daddy. He kindly asked that we get her dressed for the day if I had time. So I did and was a little curious why. The answer he gave me was they were going to do something and make me jealous. I laughed and ran out the door without thinking anything of it.

The yoga class was just what I needed, an hour to workout, breath, listen to quiet music, and the 10 min drive chatting with my friend (if you read this, thanks for letting me excitedly chat your ear off, adult conversation is still so exciting to me). I was a little confused when the cars were still home when I got home but figured they just ended up staying home. I was so wrong.

BB’s new thing has been saying, “be back mommy!” when I come back from being away. I walked in the door and she jumped up from the activity they were doing and excitedly said, “be back mommy!” this was followed by a slew of words carefully and randomly placed to tell me the story of what her and D did. I tried to piece it all together and she started telling me the story again with even more excitement. I noticed she got a special juice and looked to D to help me piece the story together.

This is what they did, went on a walk with R, went to the store and purchased the special juice so as to have cash, went to a pumpkin patch and picked out BB’s very own pumpkin. Initially, honestly, I was sad. I missed out on this huge exciting outing, BB picking out her first pumpkin. BB’s first time at a pumpkin patch. But as I observed and talked to BB still so excited about this I realized that I wasn’t meant to be there. She usually is excited after hanging with D, they are best friends after all and it’s always a special time but this was like nothing before. She was beside her self with pride and joy. I knew that had I been there it would have been a different experience and I felt at peace not being there.

There is something so special about being there to see and experience “firsts”. However, because I am usually the one that gets to experience those firsts I think that I tend to either over think them trying to make them bigger than they are or I don’t put enough weight on it. Something D is perfect at is just being there. No expectations, just experiencing it. I’ve never been on this side of a “first” and I love it. Seeing her so proud of herself and so excited was perfect. Simple and perfect.

I think that I tend to not do things for myself in fear that I will miss out on the fun, but in doing something for myself I am able to enjoy the fun so much more! Sometimes I am going to miss out on fun outings while doing something for myself, or even because I have another commitment. That doesn’t make it any less special and if anything it might even make it more special. BB is so blessed with the best Daddy out there and the fact that they can have so much fun together is such a blessing.